A Thought For Thursday

Where do you find your Christmas spirit?

I've heard so many people this year - from family, friends, and on-line friends - say they're just not in the Christmas spirit. So my thought for this Thursday is "Where do you find the Christmas spirit?"

Bug came home from school earlier this week and asked me, "Mom, does Baby Jesus get two presents on Christmas?" I guess I looked at him kind of funny. He said, "You know, two presents - one for His birthday, and one for Christmas." DUH. Ding, ding, ding, We have a winner!

I know for me when I don't feel like I'm in the Christmas spirit I turn off all the specials on TV, stop wrapping presents, and just sit and listen to some traditional Christmas music - Hark the Herald Angels, Away In A Manager, What Child is This, Silent Night. For me remembering that Christmas is really about the birth of Jesus, our Savior, helps me stay in / get back into the Christmas spirit. It's not about the presents under the tree, the decorations around the house, the cookies/pies/meals you've made, but the birth of one special Child.

Return of Wordless Wednesday

I know it's been a while but check out this mug. . .

So Much Going On

I can't believe how quickly the last few weeks have flown by. Between the chaufering, cooking, cleaning, working, cuddling, kissing boo boos, applying ice packs, driving to Indiana, visiting with family, shopping, baking, working, exercising . . . I know I've left something out, the weeks seem to fly by.


We had a wonderful trip out to the mid-West to visit my family, and a quick jaunt to Las Vegas for a belated anniversary trip - 10 years!!!! The kiddos really enjoyed spending time alone with their Poppie and Grandma too. And they were awesome on the car rides - we drove straight through both going and coming.

But it seems like every year is the same. I really do start out with the best intentions - getting all the Christmas shopping, dinner planning, house decorating, family picture taking, cookie baking done so that I can actually enjoy the weeks leading up to the holiday and so I'm not in a frantic rush. But here I am again - mailed out packages to Iraq a few days late (I hope the good, old USPS can get them there in time); still shopping for gifts to send out to my family; still shopping for some presents for friends and family here. Oh, well, maybe next year!

I think a new tradition was born this year though - and I'm kind of feeling bitter sweet about it. I've been hustling and bustling so much that when we got the tree last week, and Hubby resolved the leaking tree stand issue - I got the lights on it, but then I let my 6 year old Bug decorate it. He did a decent job of it, and I resisted the urge to re-arrange every single ornament. Okay - I did move a few but the branches were so weighed down I was afraid the entire tree would tip over. Bug did a lovely job and I'm very proud of how mature he's gotten just over the last few months. He's really becoming a big helper. Maybe I can actually sit back, relax and really enjoy the season and remember what's important this holiday season.

And She's Off. . .

That's it folks. Budha's off and walking!!! Today she actually chose to walk more than crawl so I know life as we know it is over. Actually, life as Bug knows it is over. As I was cooking dinner tonight I could hear "Mom, she's getting into my stuff!" "Mom, she's taking my homework!" "Mom, can you pleeeaaazzzeeee come get her!" "Mom, we need a fence around my stuff so SSHHHEEE can't get it!" Oh the joys of having an elementary school aged child and a toodler!

Wordless Wednesday

Finally!

My Heart Hurts

My heart is hurting tonight. For weeks I haven't been able to sleep. Hell, for years I haven't had a solid nights sleep, but it's been worse than ever lately. My brother is halfway around the world in a God-forsaken place. I don't sleep because I worry about him. And then I get an e-mail that insinuates that I don't care about him because I haven't sent him any care packages. What the *&^#! I'm hurt and pissed both at the same time. I want him to stay focused so he does his job and stays safe. But another part of me is royally pissed at him for equating how many packages or e-mails he gets with how much I love him. And then, knowing there's tension between the family and his girlfriend, I try to extend an olive branch. She asks for advice on how to get my parents to trust her and like her. So I take 4 days to think it over, and word everything the best way I can, only to have her forward my answer to my brother. So much for trust! So much for trying not to upset my brother! So not only am I worried about my brother's physical safety, but I'm worried now that our relationship will be destroyed, and for what. For someone that asked me to trust her but couldn't show me the same consideration. I feel so sick right now. It hurts so bad.

Do You Ever Feel . . .

Like you don't belong. I'm in a funk these days and I just can't seem to get out of it. I don't know where I belong. I love being a mom - love watching my kids grow and mature, love watching them interact. I love being a wife - having someone to share moments with, someone to cuddle with, someone to make love to. I love being a WAHM - setting my own hours, finding the balance between work and family. I love volunteering at my son's school - letting him know that I'm there for him, watching him succeed, meeting other parents. But lately I don't know where I belong. When I'm with the kids, I feel like I should be working more. When I'm working, I feel like I should be cleaning/straightening up around the house. When I'm cleaning, I feel like I should be spending more time with my husband. And then there's me time. Whenever I have a free moment - usually a fleeting, free few minutes, I just want to be alone vegging out or reading a book or magazine. Even on those rare occassions that I try to do something special for me, it usually ends up a disaster. Take yesterday for example. I was supposed to get up, take the kids to school/daycare, go to the gym and then head out to hang with my BFF at one of the casinos for a while. The day started out ok enough. My husband took Budha to daycare; I took Bug to school and then went to the gym. Well between a check in with my trainer, taking care of errands at the bank and post office, I didn't get on the road until 11:00. Then I went the wrong direction on one of the highways and ended up going 30 miles out of my way. So by the time I met up with my girlfriend it was after 12:30 p.m. We had lunch together (which was nice) and then played some slots for about 45 minutes before we both had to leave to get all the kids from school.
When I picked Bug up from school, he was mad at me - not because he had to go to aftercare, but because I picked him up from aftercare too soon. And his mood and attitude just went downhill quickly from there. Budha was all upset with me, too, having had to go to daycare two days in a row. So quite frankly outside of having lunch with my BFF the day - a day for me - sucked!
So the bad/disappointing day coupled with my feeling like I don't belong anywhere has really got me in a funk. And I don't know how to shake it. Right now I just want to curl up in a ball and go to bed.