Tuesday, September 23, 2008
There's been so much going - between work and school, getting into new routines, various family issues - I sometimes feel like I don't get time to breath. My brother shipped off to Kuwait two weeks ago, and today e-mailed me that he's made it to his final destination in Iraq. I try not to worry about him but it's hard, very hard. The night he left he called me as he was waiting for the transport to take off. I could hear a commander or someone in the background yelling for everyone to take their seats and strap in so they could take off. All he said to me was "make them stop fighting." Who? What? "Make them stop fighting." I've been trying to come to terms with what he was asking me to do - make people that he cares for stop fighting. I've come to realize that I would rather have another c-section - without anethesia - than try to attempt that. Why? Why would he put me in the middle? Does he really trust me and value our relationship that much? I know I do; and after our conversation in July, I realize he does too. He knows I can remove myself - detach my feelings - and look at both sides with an objective eye. And that I would have no qualms about telling people where to go and how to get there, and drawing a map if they needed directions. I just hope for his sake that the people involved can at least be civil to each other. And I for my part will keep being objective and looking at everything from all perspectives for him, and in the end, when he's home safe and sound (God willing) I'll be able to shed some light on all these problems for him and really make the fighting stop.