This morning I couldn't sleep - I was up roaming around the house at 2 a.m. It's been happening more often than not lately. I don't know what triggers it or why it's always at the same time - usually between 2 - 3 a.m. I just wake up. I get uncomfortable and/or get pushed out of bed (for a little thing Budha's becoming a bed hog). Sometimes it just because my mind is racing. There so much going on - so many worries. Money. The Husband's business. My Baby Bro (ok so he's not a baby; he's 31 - he'll always be my little brother.) My own kids. All the other craziness in the world. I've stopped watching the news before I go to sleep hoping that would help. It doesn't. I just sometimes feel like the bottom is falling out. I know a lot of it stems from worry about money and the economy. With me not working a traditional job - yes I'm busy and my freelance work does bring in some money, but it really doesn't compare to having a traditional, steady pay check, I really worry that if the economy gets any worse and The Husband's business gets any slower things will really start to get bad.
Anyway after an hour of roaming around, catching up on my blog reading, checking in on some forums, I was able to fall back asleep. Only to wake up again at 6:00 a.m. to prepare for a tag sale today. As I crawled out of bed, I noticed Bug had crawled into bed with us around 5:00. So there they all lay - The Husband, Bug and Budha - my Blessings. They were all laying the same way. I just stood there and stared at them. One, two, three. My Blessings. And I realized, as long as I have them nothing else really matters. I needed that little pick me up.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Goggling Yourself
Have you ever Goggled yourself? It's pretty cool and a little unnerving that you can just type your name into a search engine and actually get results. The power of the world wide web! I expected to find stuff under my husband's name because of articles he's been in the past for Rock Crawling. He competed for a few years. I never imagined to find myself, but there I was, just a few hits, but there just the same. It was kind of cool because what I found related to one of my "freelance" gigs, and was just a few days old. It was a post with my name in it on a WAHM forum. The timing was perfect because the woman who wrote the post was actually on my list of people to try to call today. Was that fate or what?
Still when I read some of the responses on the forum people had mixed feelings and I think someone even responded, "Run" when talking about the job opportunity. We've all been there. Working from home is an experience of trials and tribulations. Sometimes you get involved in the wrong things; and sometimes you hit on something really good. This particular freelance gig has been good for me. I've been doing it for two years now; I've gotten to know the owner. And I kind of take offense at someone insinuating that's it's a shady deal. The whole issue was because the e-mail server went down for a day, unknown to the owner, so an e-mail to me was returned as undeliverable. Well, I guess that's the downside of being out there on the world wide web - parts of your life are open for all to see and comment on. So it's kind of like reading the paper or hearing the news - take everything with a grain of salt and get on with your life.
Still when I read some of the responses on the forum people had mixed feelings and I think someone even responded, "Run" when talking about the job opportunity. We've all been there. Working from home is an experience of trials and tribulations. Sometimes you get involved in the wrong things; and sometimes you hit on something really good. This particular freelance gig has been good for me. I've been doing it for two years now; I've gotten to know the owner. And I kind of take offense at someone insinuating that's it's a shady deal. The whole issue was because the e-mail server went down for a day, unknown to the owner, so an e-mail to me was returned as undeliverable. Well, I guess that's the downside of being out there on the world wide web - parts of your life are open for all to see and comment on. So it's kind of like reading the paper or hearing the news - take everything with a grain of salt and get on with your life.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Enough Criticism Already
I feel that I'm the type of person that can take constructive criticism and not take it to heart. But enough is enough already. Sunday was Father's Day, but around here it felt more like Let's Criticize Donna Day. From my new haircut to how I'm raising my children, I got criticized all day long from my in-laws and my husband. These are some of the comments I got all day long.
I didn't clean the grill well enough.
Even though we keep it in the garage, I should buy a cover for it.
I should stop nursing my 9 month old and force her to take bottles.
I should spend more time away from her because she's too dependent on me and it's not fair to anyone else because all she does is cry when they hold her, and it's really not good for her to be so dependent on me.
"Oh, you got your hair cut." "Yeah, it's a little shorter than I really wanted to go, but I'm getting used to it." "Well, I guess it will grow back."
The grill is my domain. I do the cooking, and the grilling. I do clean it before and after every time I use it with the wire brush. I am not going to use a brillo pad every time - to me that defeats the purpose of cooking on a grill - less pans to clean.
Since when can a 9 month old baby be too dependent on her mother! Seeing as I'm the primary car provider, my husband works 6 - 7 days a week, and we don't have any family that lives close by that I can call on to help out on a regular basis, I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job! I want to nurse Budha until she's a year. I've discussed it with the doctor and we're both on the same page. I didn't get to do it with Bug because I had to go back to work and it just didn't work out for us after about 6 months. What's wrong with breastfeeding? It's the most natural and precious thing I can give to my daughter. And I'm tired of apologizing to people for continuing to breastfeed her - my husband included. I'm tired of people who aren't around to help me or even around to offer help (I do have a tendency to feel I need to do everything myself - especially when it comes to my own family) critiquing how I raise my children. I know I should find some mommy time, but by the same token I can't afford to pay a babysitter just so I can go to a book club or shopping alone. And with no family around for that extra little support. . . well it just really gets to me because it is family criticizing me.
And as for the haircut, I was already feeling self-conscious about it because I haven't had it this short in ages. And then to get the comment I got - it wasn't so much the words as it was the tone they were said in. That was just the icing on the cake.
So I guess the moral of this entry is this - unless you're willing to step into my shoes for a day do not criticize me about my hair, my cooking and, never, ever criticize me about the way I raise my kids!
I didn't clean the grill well enough.
Even though we keep it in the garage, I should buy a cover for it.
I should stop nursing my 9 month old and force her to take bottles.
I should spend more time away from her because she's too dependent on me and it's not fair to anyone else because all she does is cry when they hold her, and it's really not good for her to be so dependent on me.
"Oh, you got your hair cut." "Yeah, it's a little shorter than I really wanted to go, but I'm getting used to it." "Well, I guess it will grow back."
The grill is my domain. I do the cooking, and the grilling. I do clean it before and after every time I use it with the wire brush. I am not going to use a brillo pad every time - to me that defeats the purpose of cooking on a grill - less pans to clean.
Since when can a 9 month old baby be too dependent on her mother! Seeing as I'm the primary car provider, my husband works 6 - 7 days a week, and we don't have any family that lives close by that I can call on to help out on a regular basis, I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job! I want to nurse Budha until she's a year. I've discussed it with the doctor and we're both on the same page. I didn't get to do it with Bug because I had to go back to work and it just didn't work out for us after about 6 months. What's wrong with breastfeeding? It's the most natural and precious thing I can give to my daughter. And I'm tired of apologizing to people for continuing to breastfeed her - my husband included. I'm tired of people who aren't around to help me or even around to offer help (I do have a tendency to feel I need to do everything myself - especially when it comes to my own family) critiquing how I raise my children. I know I should find some mommy time, but by the same token I can't afford to pay a babysitter just so I can go to a book club or shopping alone. And with no family around for that extra little support. . . well it just really gets to me because it is family criticizing me.
And as for the haircut, I was already feeling self-conscious about it because I haven't had it this short in ages. And then to get the comment I got - it wasn't so much the words as it was the tone they were said in. That was just the icing on the cake.
So I guess the moral of this entry is this - unless you're willing to step into my shoes for a day do not criticize me about my hair, my cooking and, never, ever criticize me about the way I raise my kids!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A Little Perspective
My modem burned up. It burned up on Saturday night during an electrical storm so I couldn't get it replaced until yesterday - late afternoon. Although I went through e-mail/internet withdrawal, it was well worth. I used the forced down time to reconnect with my kids and whittle away at some tasks on my to do list. It was kind of nice to not be a "slave" to the computer and get some things done that I've been meaning to do. And now that it's fixed, I've decided to re-evaluate my work schedule and focus on my family more. Afterall - that's the real reason why I wanted to be a WAHM! Nothing like Mother Nature forcing me to evaluate what's really important to me and give me a little perspective on things.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
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