Saturday, October 18, 2008
My Heart Hurts
My heart is hurting tonight. For weeks I haven't been able to sleep. Hell, for years I haven't had a solid nights sleep, but it's been worse than ever lately. My brother is halfway around the world in a God-forsaken place. I don't sleep because I worry about him. And then I get an e-mail that insinuates that I don't care about him because I haven't sent him any care packages. What the *&^#! I'm hurt and pissed both at the same time. I want him to stay focused so he does his job and stays safe. But another part of me is royally pissed at him for equating how many packages or e-mails he gets with how much I love him. And then, knowing there's tension between the family and his girlfriend, I try to extend an olive branch. She asks for advice on how to get my parents to trust her and like her. So I take 4 days to think it over, and word everything the best way I can, only to have her forward my answer to my brother. So much for trust! So much for trying not to upset my brother! So not only am I worried about my brother's physical safety, but I'm worried now that our relationship will be destroyed, and for what. For someone that asked me to trust her but couldn't show me the same consideration. I feel so sick right now. It hurts so bad.