Saturday, October 18, 2008

My Heart Hurts

My heart is hurting tonight. For weeks I haven't been able to sleep. Hell, for years I haven't had a solid nights sleep, but it's been worse than ever lately. My brother is halfway around the world in a God-forsaken place. I don't sleep because I worry about him. And then I get an e-mail that insinuates that I don't care about him because I haven't sent him any care packages. What the *&^#! I'm hurt and pissed both at the same time. I want him to stay focused so he does his job and stays safe. But another part of me is royally pissed at him for equating how many packages or e-mails he gets with how much I love him. And then, knowing there's tension between the family and his girlfriend, I try to extend an olive branch. She asks for advice on how to get my parents to trust her and like her. So I take 4 days to think it over, and word everything the best way I can, only to have her forward my answer to my brother. So much for trust! So much for trying not to upset my brother! So not only am I worried about my brother's physical safety, but I'm worried now that our relationship will be destroyed, and for what. For someone that asked me to trust her but couldn't show me the same consideration. I feel so sick right now. It hurts so bad.


Tishia said...

I know what you mean about worrying about your brother and him being over there. I've been through all that and even after my man and I called it quits I still worried and I'm still worrying to this day and he's even back in the states right now as an injured soldier. Anyways back to you...I'm sorry to hear that your brother's girlfriend did that. That was wrong of her. She came to you for advice, you gave it to her. She had no right to forward it to your brother. It was between you and her not you, her and him. Hang in there! Things will all work themselves out.

Donna said...

Thanks, Tishia. Sorry, I didn't realize he got hurt. It's stressful enough with my brother being over there. Then to have someone who thinks she loves him create more stress and drama is really taking it's toll on my family, especially my parents.