Bad Mommy

Let me begin with Wordless Wednesday - Budha's giggle fit was caused by Bug hitting himself on the head with a small catalog. She's taking pleasure from her brother's pain. Go figure. I wanted to test this theory, so naturally, I hit myself in the head with a paperback book. She laughed. So she takes pleasure in anyone else's pain! Great!

I know in my head I'm not the worst mommy on the planet. But when your child gets hurt, no matter how unintentionally, you feel like the scum of the earth. Last night Budha rolled off the bed onto the hardwood floor. She was sound asleep in the middle of our king size bed - we co-sleep, especially since she's still nursing through the night - when I checked on her. Not 15 minutes later, as I was cleaning up in the kitchen, I heard a loud THUD! I knew immediately what it was and went running. I found her face up on the floor on the side of the bed screaming her head off. It took her a while to stop crying, but when she did she wouldn't look at me and if I laid her down she'd start to cry again. So erring on the side of caution, I took her at 9:45 pm to the local emergency room. Long story short, she's fine. A little bump on her head, and probably a little sore, but fine. Mom on the other hand feels like shit. No one got any sleep last night. Bug tried to stay awake to make sure everything was okay, but finally conked out at around 11:00 p.m. The Husband stayed up and waited for us; Budha and I finally got back from the ER around 1:00 a.m. Then about 2:00 a.m. Bug came in our room, crawled up on our bed, gently touched Budha's head, gave her a kiss and cuddled up with us. Needless to say everyone over slept this morning, and I think afternoon naps are in all our futures today.
I know in my head that this happens. Babies roll and get bumps; kids get hurt. I know in my head that I do the best I can for my kids. But my heart was telling me a different story last night. Bad Mommy.